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12/21/2004 Entry: "Dear Spastic Mutant"

Dear Spastic Mutant

> This Non-Denominational Gift-Giving Season, I received a calendar
> from my boss, called Successories, which is one of those motivational
> calendars. This one happens to be a sports edition, which is
> ironic considering that I'm more than a few pounds overweight.
>
> I can only gather that he got the idea for this because I have
> one of the "Demotivators" calendars up in my cube, and if you
> only see it in passing, it looks like the real thing.
>
> For example, this month's shot is of the Pyramids. The subject
> of the caption is "Achievement", with the accompanying text:
> "You Can Do Anything You Set Your Mind to When You Have Vision,
> Determination, and an Endless Supply of Expendable Labor."
> Clearly, this guy didn't read the caption too closely.
>
> I had intended to get the 2005 Demotivators calendar and
> use that in my cube.
>
> What do I do now???
>
> -Misunderstood in Morristown.
>
>

Dear Misunderstood,

It is better to give then to receive.

Buy the 2005 Demotivators calendar and give it to HIM. When you
proudly display the 2005 Successories calendar in your cube, be sure
to make up a new "saying" or two to demotivate you, and tape 'em over
the current month's motivating phrase - it can be just as much fun as
having the actual Demotivators calendar in your cube!

For instance, take the sappy motivational phrase, "Together we can do
it", with the pictures of jets soaring through the air. You simply
add, "If you'll just take your boot off my neck for a moment", or,
"But I'm calling in sick today." See? Undermining motivation is
easy. Others may require more thought, but not too much more - you're
demotivated, remember?

Demotivation is in your heart and in your mind, not in your calendar.
You can subvert any management initiative if you truly don't believe.
Refer any difficult-to-subvert motivational phrases to the list. I'm
sure we can assist you if you're feeling underwhelmed.

Spastic Mutant

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